REVIVAL! REVIVAL! REVIVE ALL.

    This is to inform the reader of this article Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or still seeking your place in the broad spectrum of religion of an intended cyber crusade, before you write me off as crazy let me make clear the spirits we shall be expelling;

    The spirit of delayed necessary firing and rapid unnecessary firing; we need to help our president help us.  We shall cast into the bottomless pit spirits of bow-tie resistance and feminine susceptibility. The spirit that will fire a minister first and explain reasons to the electorate later, We must banish this spirit of tactlessness to prevent future sagas of months of due process in the investigation of cases of evident corruption, and lack of any process at all in situations involving drawing public attention to an inaccurate amount of money missing from a treasury, not withstanding that the missing is a constant and the only variable in that sentence is amount. We must banish this spirit.  First it was aides, then bank governors’ and now ministers. There is no other explanation logical or not, it is spirits at work.

    Next we shall face the spirit of falsehood. It is excusable to lie when no one knows better, but to lie when the truth is in the open is like trying to usurp the emperor in 'the emperor’s new clothes', trying to convince us you are regally dressed while your naked genitalia swings distractingly. There is no logic behind this variety of lies. It is obviously a spirit my crusade shall bind and cast from Reuben Abati. That he could go on Aljazeera and claim we are winning the war on terror when the bodies of the murdered school children have barely gone cold is only more prove of the urgency of this crusade. We shall not embarrass ourselves with lies that fool no one.

    When you are a pastor and decide to do the function of a doctor or more precisely a gynecologist, there is only one explanation; Spirits are chasing your hustle. We must purge the atmosphere of spirits that would make anyone decide to test members virginity with fat stubby fingers be it religious, political, educational or otherwise. This virginity testing spirits must go.

  In our prayer points we shall include all hackers who play Robin Hood on our behalf. Taking what these telecom agents will not give us willingly by force. We shall pray for their hustle to continue to flourish, we shall pray for more magic Sims and voodoo codes that open the golden gate of unlimited data heaven. We will exclude the ones who ask you to send recharge cards from between the range of hundred to one thousand five hundred naira to get a cheat code. Our prayers are for honest hustlers, we do not pray for thieves.

   We shall also include MTN in our prayers that they find the spirit robbing us of extra ten naira on recharge cards. This point must not be taken lightly. It is even more important than the dispelling of Reuben’s fallacious spirit, at least that is not taking money from our pockets directly, yet. This one pinches even more every time I get the message ‘MTN has not increased the price of recharge cards’ after paying the inflated rate. I Know MTN are too kind to inflict more hardship on a people who are currently searching for their unremitted disputed twenty billion dollars. They are too kind for such obvious robbery, after all  they gave Jane in Portharcourt a brand new Toyota corolla, they are even known to have given another lucky lady an airplane few years back, just for sending ‘yes’ to 3210. Whoever is trying to truncate the good work of this telecommunication moguls must be brought to book at this crusade.

    If time permits we shall include the spirit of social network lunacy, the spirit of type ‘amen’ if you want to marry Lupita in 2014. Such spirits must return to whence they came. Yes, we will not promise men wives like Lupita if they type ‘amen’ and have them end up with ‘Chewbacca’. That is fraud, fraud I repeat! We must tackle this spirit with fury. ‘Wife na wife’, I agree; but you cannot promise me a Mercedes convertible and deliver a Volkswagen beetle. For the ones that actually deliver on their promise, my facebook page for testimonies is coming soon, I am thoughtful and want you to tell the story of how commenting ‘I love you mum’ on facebook saved your mother’s life and how you became a landlord from a one room apartment you shared with your friend by simply clicking ‘like’ on a post that prophesied how you would be a landlord that year. We must spread this good news. That girl who had an accident that we typed ‘saved’ to save her life must come back and thank us for our contributed effort.  Don’t thank me; I am only doing my part in promoting cyber wonders and bringing national spiritual purity.