What you say?

   There has been a recent outbreak of the condition ' oral diarrhea ' in the last couple of weeks. This condition presents with cases of reasonable, respected, members of the society not just saying the most stupid things, but being caught while at it;
    For example, yuppie pastor Chris Okotie has declared all Catholics hell bound. Twitter was kind enough to make this information viral. For the benefit of those who do not know him, here is brief introduction; Pastor Chris.O as he is popularly called(not to be mistaken with his namesake at Christ embassy) is a delightful, young at heart old man who has had a taste of many waters. He started off as a musician in hammer pants and the very popular Jerrycurl before he got called into the fold. We were gently warming up to the pastor-Singer coupling( which I hear Timaya is considering) when he decided to spruce up his resume by adding politician to the list, and running for president twice. I suspect some Catholics may have thwarted his political dream, and now he is taking his pound of flesh by convicting them and all their flock to hell. He also is a divorce expert, after two failed marriages and claims to have been informed of his call to the ministry by the devil. This may be true as he seems to know who is What to the dark angel, claiming the Pope is the devils friend and T.B Joshua the son.  Remember,  nothing is said without reason. Our pastor (politician-musician) has based his hypothesis on the illusion that the Catholic church was created by Satan and is simply a religious camouflage, indirectly leading it's unsuspecting followers to the barbeque pit . Also, he slandered the communion tradition, calling it an act of crucifying Christ. This was something I have always know to be a symbol of honoring a memory but What do I know?. He will do well to focus on leading his people to heaven rather than concentrating So much on hell. That is an ignorant manifestation of the disease.
        ' Go and die... ' was the trend in the last week as our khaki wearing governor let loose on a widow. The norm would have been to deny ever saying any such thing, but YouTube was kind enough to take away this liberty. I have always wondered how this videos are captured at the nick of time, but that is another kettle of fish. We have all told people to 'go and die' at sometime or at least we have thought it, but the wrong words, in the right mouth, directed at some vulnerable party and worse of all caught on camera is what I call ' bad news '. When you are an ex-labour union president, who in the past would raise your self righteous nose at any politician who dares confisticate a widows source of livelihood, it is a crime equivalent to murder. Power corrupts,but absolute power sees all sense of reason fly out the window. This is a power symptom of the disease.
          When it comes to the education minister Wike, ever since I heard him say at an event months ago that the then three month old strike would be ' over in a few months.. ' I knew I was right on my opinion that there should be exceptions to certain Rights. He has proved me even more correct by poking fun at ASUU's fresh set of demands, calling them 'outrageous '. This man's voiced thoughts have not been wrong, but we all would be  well off had he kept them to himself. I know better, than to say what I think all the time ( more so when greedy learned professionals are involved ) . This is an undiplomatic manifestation of the disease.
        Alas, I come bearing good news. I have the cure for this pathology. It's called ' common sense'. Next time you're tempted to say something stupid, remember ' THE INTERNET IS WATCHING..... ' and be quiet.

ASUU STRIKE: The Fagge factor.

   The tug of war between the federal government and the academic staff union of universities is a topic Well talked to death. Strikes are not a new weapon for unions, but for ASUU it has presented itself over the years as their only weapon.
     They have sadly become synonymous with the word ' strike ', and the ongoing five month old example has left a sour taste in the mouths of all concerned. When statements were released stating that the strike was politically motivated it was seen as a ploy by the federal government to sabotage this comrades, but with the present turn of events we are confused at their true intentions.
       The time has come for the wolf to bare it's teeth. They have graduated from unionism to notoriety, taking advantage of the attention they have gotten to become unreasonable. We were made to believe the strike was due to the lack of implementation of demands made in 2009, why then is ASUU tabling a new set of demands even when factions have voted in favour of calling off the industrial action?
      Moreover, their snail paced method of decision making is a cause for concern. If the federal government does not meet the fresh set of terms but decides to compromise and reach another agreement on this new grounds, will they immediately call off the strike or will they take this new agreement to their factions and then call another 'Knight of the Templar' like NEC meeting before they decide?
        With all the demands and talk about infrastructure and modern teaching aids we will like to know, do they intend to employ modern lecturers or we shall still have to put up with the same ones who come to class and dictate notes dated back as far off as 1990? How will we bring a modern education structure to the same teachers who believe in archaic methods?
       The greatest cause for alarm is the pulling out of various schools from this action. That tells us the battle is no longer what we think of it. I have always said a house would only cave in on itself when greed and selfishness begins to take priority over the interest of the people it represents.
      It is obvious all sympathy for this union is lost, and we demand to know why Fagge is playing soft ball with the future of millions of Nigerian students, paying no mind that what is sport to him is death to us. In the end the million dollar question is: has ASUU overtime done education more harm than good?

A lesson on blessing.

  God bless you. I mean no disrespect, but if for each time I have had those words said to me I got a feather for a wing Instead, I am certain now I would have attained the ability to fly. This words come together to form the mantra of 'Christiandom'. It is the badge of spirituality, and the sword of vengeance. It's purpose being determined by the circumstance which commands it.
    It often punctuates meetings and partings when we come across our very Christian folks. Your partner at the bar down the road uses it after he has gone AWOL for a week to show he was in the interim kidnapped by the spirit. Your conversation will be uncomfortably punctuated with 'bless you' as you ask where he's been, and he relates to you how he has just gotten his visa to eternal life. Alas, two days later he resumes without remorse, acts like it never happened, and conveniently forgets to bless you ever after.
     When your room mate returns from fellowship, and in-between her belting out of praises showers you with the words ' God bless you ',  You believe they are sincere until she settles down to her dinner, and you ask for some; At that point, she quickly reminds you the left over is for her breakfast. You turn on your hungry stomach and mutter a goodnight to which she would cheerily reply 'thank you and God bless' .
        Let's not forget, when that child cleans your windscreen on a dusty,sunny day in traffic. When he's done, you roll down your window allowing him to feel some of the cool air-conditioning as you tell him God bless you (with no paper bills attached) and roll the glass back up, in-between muttering under your breath how they worsen visibility with their good intentions.
       The worst is when you are at the receiving end of an offensive version. The manner which it is said makes it clear it is not a call of blessings in the least. when you are a defaulter in this case, you would be more comfortable had you been cursed rather than negatively blessed.
      It's been a long time (if ever) God came down to bless anyone in person. Thus, when next you're tempted to say the words 'God bless you' , hold it back, and be a blessing instead. Words are not worth the dust from two fifty kobo coins being rubbed together. Be the reason someone blesses God by being a blessing. I'm sure it'd mean more than saying ' God bless you '.

Just injustice - The Oduah chronicle.

   Time has been known to make levity of an urgent situation. It is for this reason I ask impatiently ' what is going on with the Oduah-car business and Why is it still hanging over our heads like a bad smell? '
     I have always maintained my suspicion in past cases of corrupt practices and incoherent spending, but I hoped that in this case we would tell a different story. I was right.
         Articles aimed at gaining public sympathy are appearing daily, and are growing in number. They tell us how ' she is a victimized hard worker ', 'we are punishing a high achiever'... and the other few that are too annoying to mention. Where I come from, people don't speak for achievers, their achievements speak for themselves. What is victimizing about wanting to know,why, she had to own not one but two cars that cost not just an arm and a leg, but with the latest trend on OLX can buy a good number of human beings.
    The rent a protest trend is the icing on the cake. Market women who will walk the streets, exalt you and curse your enemies. Even when it is obvious that you are wrong. It is clear we do not understand what it means to bear false witness for or against our neighbour. They will for a few bags of rice, cows and Naira notes take your wrong upon themselves. Will this women be So forgiving if a branch of their family tree was prematurely pruned in a careless plane crash ? When people are blown to smithereens in churches or places of worship, Why don't this market women take to the streets ?  Why don't they protest humanitarian causes like the lack of proper medical care, the almost absent security for our children in schools, e.t.c. They happen to be the new political pro activist. Available for the table with the most chips.
        The reason why we have remained stunted is in the pace of our decision making. The protocols and panels that are gone through to make a simple obvious decision are alarming. Why would a faulting officer be allowed to remain in service while being investigated?. Considering the speed at which Jonathan is firing his aides of late (without explanation ) we would like to know why a minister who should be at least suspended is still allowed to parade herself amidst an on going investigation.
      I am not impressed with the latest scene in this fiasco, which is her private vehicle being claimed to have been shot at within Abuja. Irony is, she was neither present at the scene of the shooting nor are there any eye witnesses to the event. All we have to go by is a police report validating the story, and telling us the bullets which look like nothing they have seen before have been sent in for ballistics(conveniently no talk about the shooters). The bad plotting and execution of this story leaves me wondering who the director of this shenanigans could be, I consider our minister too intelligent to plan a ploy that stupid.
        This is a country where you can sneeze and end up in jail (if you do it in the wrong place at the wrong time) or better still be slapped with the death penalty for trying to pass off phones stuffed with ' fufu'  as the real deal. Thus, I wonder why an issue this delicate is still open for discussion without any action. Justice now appears to be for those who cannot afford to buy themselves out. That in my opinion is the greatest injustice.

The gods must be crazy.

    The looney bin has sprung a leak. I hate to play Cassandra, but it's emptying it's contents on our shore . No? How else do we explain all this craziness?
      The tug of war between APC and PDP over who's hat the feather of glory for the under seventeen world cup championship should be placed is a start. PDP want us to see that 'it is an affirmation of the Goodluck administration' , while APC want us to be reminded that it is ' a promise of good things to come under their governance '. I am lost. What about the real victors? The eaglets ? How does the hard work of eleven very young men tell us any of this things they are forcing us to believe. Why politicians have to make everything about themselves is a mystery as big as the cure for cancer.
        Then, governor Wada's vehicle ran along and killed an ASUU executive, a lethal mistake that may become a national inconvenience, as it may prolong the already over due strike. Apparently, this is not the first person his convoy is sending to the great beyond. I have two words for Jacob Adi his personal assistant ' shut up! '. Three times is obviously two times too many. How can a convoy travel at a snail pace of 80 km/hr. Spare me (and everyone else) the damage control lines.
       Even our entertainment is infected with craziness. The ' baby face ' issue has been quite entertaining. This bush has been beaten with the blog whip to death, I shall thus leave it well alone (after I add a lash of my own). Don jazzy's dreads should not come as a surprise at all, when you loose two of your golden geese in two years, add bad publicity to the mix. Sounds like a recipee for craziness.
      There are many more , the new wave of rape cases, kidnappings, children butchering parents, parents killing children...  the list is endless. You will agree with me ' the gods must really be crazy' .

When we say i do.

 "Many call me a feminist because I speak the truth. Most say I preach equality in all I say and do. But I only beg a woman be enough in herself, and not let a ring be the only trophy on her shelf. I ask that marriage be a plus and not all you own. Simply said, be enough  married or alone"

 Marriage is beautiful. You cannot overestimate it's importance in our society. It is what financial contentment is for men to women, A sign that we have arrived.
    We have all seen marriage change people. Some for better, others for worse. We get married and like the
suffix to our name everything else changes. From our friends to our attitude.
     For the bride, being married suddenly confers on her a relationship counselor status because all her friends want to know what she did right, and what they must be doing wrong. She offers advice (with or without ) being asked about how to do what in your relationship, often even daring to play oracle, predicting what will be if you don't do as she says. A relationship that you may have had longer than her courtship and marriage put together. You are miss and she is Mrs, thus you must listen.
    The men have it more put together than the women in this context. They neither change their friends nor pressure them. Women turn a commitment into a competition. A race for an imaginary estrogen finish line. We get married and act like we were never single. 
    Not surprisingly, marriages are failing. It is now a drive through affair. In and out. It is no longer a union but a statement. No longer an institution but an accessory. Our intentions have changed. We want to get married because our friends are married, because we are expected to be married, for financial security and other cynical reasons.
    In my opinion ,it isn't exactly rocket science. If you want to be a wife act like one, If you want a descent husband dress and act with decency, If you want a God fearing man then fear God (do not mistake church attending for God fearing). Don't be a good woman because you want to get married, be a good woman because as a lady you shouldn't be anything less. Any  woman can be married, but sadly not every woman can make a wife.
    For the unmarried, being single doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. For the married, being married doesn't mean you did everything right. 

                            

Just a little sin

  His eyes swept the rodent infested room that stank of poverty. 'Soon all this will be a distant memory' he thought. Picking up the small leather box, he began the journey that would soon send him wealth like the rain in September.
      The bus conductor was suspicious of the shabbily dressed man who wouldn't let anyone touch his luggage. 'This is how they carry bombs ' he whispers to the driver.
         'Ten more minutes' he would deliver what was demanded and he will receive what was promised. He was shaken out of his day dream of all the beautiful things his newly found wealth would acquire
' oga wetin dey that your box wey you dey carry like egg?  '  it was the conductor ' open am make we see ' he froze, suddenly feeling like he was suffocating. The driver brought the vehicle to a halt by the roadside to allow the drama ensue with more convenience . ' I say open the box ' the conductor getting impatient was trying to pry it from his hands . He began to panic ' it's clothes ' he explained ' open make we see ' he thought of making a run for it, but he was locked between other commuters. He opened the box. The  bus was filled with screams of terror, as passengers close to the exit scrambled out ,and others shrieked backwards, trying to put as much distance between themselves and the bags sole content. A child no older than three, dressed up, folded and cold. Dead. His son.
       This story is as true as the Pope is Catholic. He was one of us, someone's husband, a woman's son, a child's role model, a neighbour, a friend. Poverty is not an excuse for inhumanity. How far is far enough when money is the end result? It was just a little sin or so he thought.